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Submitted with permission by: Shadow and Lakes Entrance Secondary College. Interview with Shadow conducted by Elizabeth Ballhausen

I am now about 49 years old. My nickname came from my tendency to follow my uncle around. He was Irish and I was his ‘shadow’. I was born in the Northern Territory and have three blood brothers, one who died when he was 30, 2 step sisters and 1 step brother. My dad was in the Army. He was a bus driver and also a construction foreman with a big building company – Hansen & Yunken. My mum was a very busy housewife with little children, until she died when I was 2.

My people are the Walpiri from Tennant Creek but I’m a bit of a mixture and I was brought up also with Pitjintjara and Arunti. There is ongoing culture in the North with stability from the Laws and Walpiri language. My totem is the King Brown Snake, which means I would not harm this fellow. I handle snakes. In Victoria what’s left of Aboriginal culture is very sparse and the Elders have probably lost half the Laws, whereas it’s ‘full on’ in NT. Dancing is the main way the culture is expressed and carried on, with the Corroboree.

Mum died when I was 2. Dad was away at the time, and she was getting a hat out of the cupboard. She fell from a ladder and broke her neck. I was too young to have memories of what she was like as a person, but I believe she was very lovely; and as mums are with lots of little kids - their role is doctor, nurse and lawyer all in the space of ten minutes. If they were paid for the jobs they do, it would be worth thousands a week. It was not long after the depression and there wasn’t much money around. Dad was left with four kids, three in nappies and it was very hard. It turned out that three of us were taken to Adelaide to live with others of the family, and I was taken to Hermansberg Mission by my auntie.

I grew up at Parap Mission, Darwin, and my schooling was with Hermansburg mission via radio. Our teacher flew in once a month to the nine kids. It was very strict, there was no wagging, and we were ‘Bible bashed’, which was sad. It was instilled that you ‘do as you’re told’. Hermansburg was a Lutheran Mission and they had a harsher code of discipline even than the Catholic Missions. There was no affection in the Lutheran missions. The mission had about 240 kids in an area the size of a ¼ acre with an 8ft high fence. That’s where we lived and were schooled. It was very harsh and we were treated like pack animals. We would not have had any milk for 6-7 years and the food was minimal. We wouldn’t have known of anything we think of now as ‘shop food’. It was like prison or concentration camp. If you didn’t do as you were told you would be flogged and thrown into a cell. When there was a chance you would get hold of any bush tucker. Bush lollies are the honeybee or sugar ants in a gum from trees. It’s like lock jaw toffee! Some kids tried to escape. If you got away you’d go bush. There were some blackfellows living nomad who would appear at times. The mission training was to become nursing aides or teachers. There were taboos – you weren’t allowed to do your own things, and there was no talking to whites. I have gone back there twice since, and it actually looks quite nice. There are no tin huts like there used to be. I get a real down feeling in the place – it’s a funny feeling. You don’t want to be there. I feel angry about the confinement and the animal treatment.

As a young bloke we did lots of bush stuff and had sporty type of contests, like who could throw a stick the furthest. Some things you might think of as funny these days, like playing for hours with lizards. I learnt to ride horses.

After grade 6 I went to Agricultural High School in Adelaide, and did 4 years of secondary. In Adelaide I had to settle in to school. I was a good student and got tickets and bits of paper to show you could do jobs – prove your skills. I have travelled a lot and worked practically any job at all.

Until the 60’s there was no concept of Aboriginal rights. My father would not have had any case. For himself and my mother it was still like the early 1900’s with the death penalty if a ‘black’ and a ‘white’ were caught co-habiting. It was like slavery and the work permits to employ an Aborigine. He wasn’t supposed to have black kids – it was all very ‘iffy’. By the 1960’s things were starting to change a bit. In 1961 at age 11, my dad turned up to get me. I got such a shock I went bush. We’d had no contact for 9 years. I thought my dad was Aborigine, but here was this little red headed Irish guy. It took a month and a half to get me in the car. He took me for a trip to Alice Springs and I was very scared. He showed me around and I had never seen anything like a town. Apparently, I screamed all the way to Adelaide when we went in the plane. In 1962 I met with a deal of racism at my new school, but at this time there was a focus beginning on the black-white divide and the white Australia Policy, and racism in football especially. My dad trained me to deal with this. He said that if I was going to let them walk all over me I was not sticking up for my rights as an Aboriginal. Discrimination is still around, and it always will be when there’s anyone there who’s a bit different. Something which has changed though, is the respect gained by some people in noted positions. People realise that they are worthy of respect

I was married very young and had 2 kids who are now grown up. The things I would want my great grandchildren to know about is their Nunga culture and the recognition that they have Aboriginal blood. I would want them to go North and know their culture. I am proud of family and that I can relate to all people, without put downs, as an Aboriginal Australian. My Dad has been the biggest influence in my life, with his training in how to conduct yourself and accept yourself. There is still respect today – it’s different from being drilled like we used to be. Kids need the control of their parents.

About my brother – he was older and I looked up to him. You always look up to an older brother. He was 30 and married with a little daughter. He had been to Vietnam and had a commendable war career, as a battalion leader and a corporal. He had started boxing in Vietnam. It was very popular and he was good. Out of 1500 fellows and 24 fights, he won them all. He had had lessons with Lionel Rose. Boxing is a favourite Aboriginal sport, and part of that is to do with looking after yourself, and self defence.

My brother had no criminal record and it was a couple of years since I had seen him face to face. Cyclone Tracey had hit Darwin and I was working up there. In 1977 I was a slaughterman and it was at this time that I got a phone call from Dad 3000Km away to say that my brother had hung himself. I told him he was lying. I couldn’t believe that my brother would ever do this. He was in custody for being drunk, in Port Adelaide Police cells. Once I realised he wasn’t lying, my impulse was to get straight on a plane to be with mum and dad.

This was at a time when there was some focus happening around Aboriginal rights – with some status coming back being allowed to vote, and questions being asked about land. There was an inquiry into what happened with my brother, but to this day, I know there has been a cover up. I wanted another post mortem to be performed, but this would have upset my mother too much.

Did hang, or, was hung?

He was a happy-go-lucky bloke, not a depressed type and had everything to look forward to. He had his family, loved playing soccer, and was experiencing hero status with his boxing. I will never believe he would take his own life – he was not that sort of person.

Dad has passed away now. I will visit mum at Christmas and catch up with my brothers and sisters in Adelaide. My newborn child is a boy and we decided to call him Shadow for his first name, his second name is my dad’s name – and his surname, Ivan.

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